Mother Tongue Annoyances

Yes, I understand that people are 'black boxes.' Unless and until you disclose to me explicitly who you are and what you're all about, any speculation on my part regarding you is ultimately of small value.

Still, in just this past week I've had conversations with two acquaintances that left me feeling both sad and grateful. Here, let me explain:

The Case of Acquaintance #1: Screw Unto Others

This particular individual appears to live his life under the operating assumption "I'll get you before you screw me." Sheesh. In the course of a single, rambling conversation this person told me, in excruciating detail, how he became an 'instant expert' in home sprinkler/timer systems so (in his words) "If the plumber tries to rip me off, I'll be one step ahead of him because I know everything he's doing."

Moreover, this otherwise nice man let me know that he and his wife invested thousands upon thousands of dollars in home security equipment. This guy can check the interior and exterior of his home from anywhere in the world, so long as he has a Web browser and an Internet connection available to him. "That way," my acquaintance said, "I can tell at a glance if anyone tries to approach our home."

The Case of Acquaintance #2: Pistol-Packin' Papa

The man in question told me a few days ago that he was recently approved for a handgun carry permit, and that he would be packing heat to work every day.

"But aren't there laws about civilians bringing firearms into office buildings?" I queried nervously.

"Yeah, I'll have to look into that, but I plan to carry anyway."

I balked. "Why in the world do you feel the need to carry lethal force to work with you each day? Are you afraid that a rogue stapler will leap out of the supply closet and accost you?"

"No, actually I'm worried about being out in the parking lot at night. I put in a lot of overtime, and I want to make sure that if I'm attacked, someone is going home in a body bag."

Nice.

How miserable it must be to live one's life in never-ending fear of some unpleasant activity transpiring. Sure, I was a Scout when I was a boy. I'm familiar with the ol' BSA motto Be Prepared. Nevertheless, how much control over other people, places, events, etc., do I actually have in my life? Very little. There exists a distinct difference between prudence and paranoia.

Am I going to spend my precious time 'freaked and tweaked' about potential life-threatening attacks from unknown assailants, or the possibility that some individual or business might take advantage of me financially? Or, rather, am I gonna live and enjoy my life to the very best of my ability, one day at a time? I know what my choice is.

Mark Twain once said something profound regarding needless worry [citation]:

"I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."

I haven't read Stephen Covey in several years, but one of his concepts I've always enjoyed is his distinction between the abundance mentality and the scarcity mentality. Check this out:

Abundance means ‘The property of a more than adequate quantity or supply’ and to really take advantage of all that is available to you, you really do have to have a handle on this extremely important way of thinking.

The exact opposite to the abundance mentality is the scarcity mentality. Amongst other things this mentality breeds fear, jealousy, spite and selfishness leading to insecurity and lack of self worth due to your belief that opportunities are lacking and you have little choice or freedom in your life.

The cup, at least my cup, is more than half-full.

Technorati Tags: mark twain, stephen covey, seven habits, abundance mentality, philosophy, sociology, mta, mother tongue annoyances

Today one of my colleagues and I found ourselves in our office kitchen area, chit-chatting and refilling our coffee mugs. Presently Jane and I simultaneously spotted 45 cents in change lying on a nearby table.

My colleague Jane, with perhaps a sense of entitlement borne from a life history of snatching similar 'found' objects, snagged the coins off the table and deposited them quickly into her pocket. She never even looked my way.

Frankly, I found Jane's display to be rather gross and tacky. Nevertheless, my colleague's coin-grabbing action spawned in my mind a flood of related memories from my childhood. I'd like to share one of these reveries with you now.

Continue reading "Found Money"

First of all, thanks to Lynn from Memphis and Mark Liberman from the University of Pennsylvania for allowing me (finally) to put a name to a meme that I've observed and enjoyed for over a year now, but up 'til recently had no idea as to its origins: LOLCats and LOLCode.

What are LOLCats? Here, let me show you [image credit]:

Continue reading "LOLCats and LOLCode"

The other day one of my students and I were chatting during a break. And one point in the conversation she said something akin to the following:

Our neighbors live catty-corner to us.

This particular lady hails from the South. As some of you know, I come from the North, and I always said kitty corner. What about you?

Continue reading "Kitty Catty Corner"

Chris Wage has an interesting post up at Metroblogging Nashville entitled "smoking ban" that I encourage you to read. Here are some choice snippets from the piece:

The idea of people stepping outside to smoke at the Hermitage Cafe is comical. It's so dissonant I can't even fathom it. The majority of the staff of the place itself I think would wither and die without a steady stream of cigarettes. This ban may very well kill the Hermitage Cafe.

No one in their right mind would go to a place like this without expecting to get a healthy dose of secondhand smoke...if you go to this place and are displeased with the fact that there's cigarette smoke, you're a minority. Period.

The romantic hyperbole evident in Chris' 'smoke-filled room with lots of atmosphere' conceit is, itself, quite comical to me.

Continue reading "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Cigarette Smoke"

I figured that it was time too add another installment to my Aesop's Fables essay series. Today we shall examine the fable "The Ass and His Masters." (Candidly, I substituted 'donkey' for 'ass' in the post title to avoid an unintentional pornographic meaning.)

My favorite version of this fable comes to us from Aesopfables.com:

The Ass and His Masters

AN ASS, belonging to an herb-seller who gave him too little food and too much work made a petition to Jupiter to be released from his present service and provided with another master. Jupiter, after warning him that he would repent his request, caused him to be sold to a tile-maker. Shortly afterwards, finding that he had heavier loads to carry and harder work in the brick-field, he petitioned for another change of master. Jupiter, telling him that it would be the last time that he could grant his request, ordained that he be sold to a tanner. The Ass found that he had fallen into worse hands, and noting his master's occupation, said, groaning: "It would have been better for me to have been either starved by the one, or to have been overworked by the other of my former masters, than to have been bought by my present owner, who will even after I am dead tan my hide, and make me useful to him."

Other interpretations of "The Ass and His Masters" substitute the Greek god Zeus for the analogous Roman god Jupiter. Nevertheless, the story flows the same either way.

Continue reading "Aesop's Fable: The Donkey and His Masters"

Are you a 'turner' or a 'timer'? I don't know about you, but I have a few people in my life who employ the transitional phrase 'at the same time' in a non-standard way:

"In the same turn, I don't want to piss anybody off."

"Yes, I agree with your fundamental point. In the same turn, what you are suggesting we do about this is illegal."

Am I ringing any bells of familiarity for you?

Continue reading "In the Same Turn..."